I felt lost. I had no sense of purpose. My daughter is in her last year of college and my son is in his last year of high school. I defined myself as being a Mom. Sure, I will always be a mother but not a full-time Mom. My life long career is slowing down. When I looked to the future, all I see is darkness, the great unknown. I started a journey of self-discovery. I read books and did classes on finding my purpose. They were great at making me feel positive, but they didn’t help me live my life. I didn’t need the big picture. I needed the nuts and bolts of life. I needed to know that what I did on a daily basis had meaning, not just believe and it will be. I know that doesn’t work in the material world.
I believed my first husband loved me and wouldn’t hurt me. That belief led me to overlook the signs of an abusive husband. My wakeup call was him jumping up from the recliner after watching the news and attacking me. He wanted to kill me and he almost did. My belief that I was in a happy marriage did not make it so. From then on I wanted to live my life with my eyes wide open.
Being a single mother makes you realize that we live in a very selfish uncaring world. You need money to pay for shelter, food, clothing, and other expenses life throws at you. Spirituality may give you peace of mind, but it doesn’t keep you from starving. I needed something a little more hard core and a little less abstract. I needed something that covered the trip of daily living, along with the destination of spirituality.
I started to think about the big picture. I asked myself, “Who am I?” The answer, “I am a human, living on Earth, living in the Universe.” I am in the Universe, like bacteria that live in our bodies. I am an individual with free-will, but at the same time, I live in co-operation with other entities in the Universe. My purpose is no different than any other substance in the Universe.
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